So – it’s been a while…

Yes, it has. Since this is my venting blog – and most people do not see or read it anyway, I suppose it is a good time to do so.

First off, Aetna Medicaid – get your head out of your ass and update your database. Because of you I spent 2 hours waiting to see a doctor I was NOT approved for. (well, more than one time, based on urgent care needs). Was this told to my pcp or her medical assistant upon pulling up possible candidates for my ENT exams? No. Was this told to me when I went to the ENT the first time, or after calling about setting up a second appointment? No. So, now, instead of being seen and having my issue being taken care of, I have no way to know if my CT scan will even take place, be covered, or even if I will get into a new ENT anytime in the forseeable future. Thanks guys…

Next, to the person who tried to hack into my bf’s mom’s internet… nice try. We both have Norton. Fully covered. You may try, but you WILL fail. AT&T has actually sent over two people in two days. They’re on top of it, and they’re on to you. 😉 Have a cookie for trying.

Lastly – and this is a rant on those that think that I am so smart – I am behind, on everything but Anthropology. I, having had spent a week in bed, am not catching up like I hoped. Maybe my spring break will be full of studying. and catching up. What a great way to spend your time off. Whee! Go me. lol.

Sinus infection, please go away – I don’t like you any more this year already. At least wait till fall to come back – wait, no, not during school – crap. What have I done? AHHHHHHHHH!!!

Just remember this…. and I have learned this –

“People that mind don’t matter, and people that matter, don’t mind…. “

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Bored or boring?

Usually, I sit here and write a novel – and then the title writes itself based on what I write. But today, I am finding it hard to even write anything- I am insufferably bored. It only took 2 weeks of not being in school to get this bored… is that a bad thing? Or is it good that I am bored because that means I am looking forward to classes again?? If that’s the case, lordy help me during the summer. (Unless I take a summer class…which I am thinking about doing… )

Finally got up the nerve to change my insurance from my county to the boyfriends. Seeing as they have better options, and this is a much bigger area, and I don’t have to drive more than 30 minutes in any direction to visit doctors, I think it’s much better (what I would call a massive WIN), instead of going to the inner city (and taking 2 hours sitting on 290 there and back), to get to a 20 minute appt. I am happy about this… and tho it doesn’t start until February 1st, I know that its gonna be a vast improvement. Though, I do like my dermatologist….

I also enjoyed reading the notes from my “Happy Jar” on my desk…. from last year. Doing it again this year…

So as I said, usually my posts are novels. Not this one. I am bored, and boring today… Gotta love me.

“‘I am ME…'” and honestly that’s something you can never be…” – unknown

Not every Christmas is a white Christmas apparently…and 2015

Who knew? Chicago, no snow (pretty much none where I live) on the whole for the month of December, and oddly, no snow for Christmas. Every time they threaten us with snow of any sort, it decides to prove all the weather people wrong, causing us to point at the tv and go “Ha-Ha” (like Nelson from The Simpsons – which I can emulate very well), and change the channel; I think this may lead to the problem of us being spoiled, and then when the snow finally hits us, much whining and bitching and moaning. Personally, I don’t mind it, as long as I don’t have to drive in a friggin blizzard.

This year has been a year of me being way to sick, way too many times, and what I feel are slightly inept physicians, trying to tell me they know whats wrong with me, even after I already know (from having dealt with it since a teenager and been diagnosed), and then having to tell them “but, when I was…. (insert age), I was (insert issue) by my allergist/ psych therapist/ doctor.” Usually they reply “well we have to send you to a(n) to see if that is the case, and then we will refer you.” This is the most medicine I have taken in the WHOLE of my life till this past year, dealing with issues I didn’t even know I had. Wouldn’t it be nice if I didn’t have to drive 2 hours to have it dealt with, or wait 3 weeks to see a doctor who just throws antibiotics at me? Such is life – switching soon or this is gonna be the death of me.

In that aspect, I spent Christmas day, the day after, and ironically half of NYE and actually, part of this morning suffering from headaches that I cannot (and should not, but I gave in once… not yesterday though ironically take) because of health issues caused by taking medicine for these sinus/migraine/tension… etc headaches. Lucky for me all this is happening while I’m off from school Luckily I can lounge around in pajamas and watch pointless tv, and play video games… then, 3 weeks into this new year, I start my 4th semester of college – wait… I forgot to petition for my financial aid – as a sophomore… how many credits is that again?? Urgh… time to email them too. *note to self, email COD counselors/financial aid about this…)

Despite all this, I have actually enjoyed my break. Seen two movies alone that I wouldn’t have seen (I highly recommend the Imitation Game with Benedict Cumberbatch) without having had this break, had dinner and a movie night with one of my best friends, Anne, and am planning a girls day tomorrow (due to vehicular issues on her end) with my other “Side of the coin” gf (we are often mistaken for sisters..), Jenny. I think that I enjoy sporadic company with friends – while on break. But, when the semester starts, I am semi-mostly (ok, just about all) business with classes. Jenny and I have a few favorite teachers, and she won’t be at our school much longer… as her 4 year degree is not offered (yet – but they should make it one IMO) yet here – so I’m trying to take as many good classes, with good teachers, with her, as possible. So far that has been Burnier, Slott, Hubbard,  and… I think there was one more that escapes me.

This year, Jen and I are serious about reducing stress, and dropping some weight. I have to do it with a messed up tendon in my shoulder and wrist, and Jen has her own obstacles to tackle. We both decided a class on meditation and relaxation would help with stress, and a personalized (for each student based on injuries and needs/goals), weight training class. Along with a pool – which I will use once I get my limbs less stiff – that I intend on using – along with an elliptical and treadmill… and a bike. Next semester will be yoga and spinning classes (once I’m more in shape). – But that is enough for now, I’m starting to bore even myself.

So, with that – a quote that I heard somewhere, on a video that a friend posted, seems fitting –

“Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning… No other way to say it.” – Mark Mero

This includes myself, those I love, and those that love me.  I also would like to quote someone else that made me smile, and realize that love can be shown in the smallest places – I was remarking on  her twin sister’s pretty hair, and hers, and twice she gave me this small piece of love that has filled my heart all week…

“Auntie, I think you’re pretty too” – Isabella M. (4.5 years old)

Like I said, it comes from the smallest places. That is the kind of love that I want to share with everyone.

Happy 2015 all – be safe, happy, prosperous, full of hope, and giving of love.

Born in the wrong Generation…

Just what do we tend to listen to, as Americans, when we hear public officials, or inspiring people speak? Are we listening to pick them apart, try to figure out how to say “Nope (s)he’s wrong”? Are we really listening to the message?

I always felt that I was born in the wrong generation. I love the Beatles, Led Zepplin, oldies, classic rock…. (ok so the last one may not be part of that), and yes, they are all music. I loved the hippy dippy trippy era, I loved the freedom, and maybe would have loved many more things – but the energy of that era is … I can’t even explain it, but most would know what I mean.

But I also love speeches by Robert and John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King Jr., and anyone speaking on the freedom of people – regardless of color, race, gender, creed… and the saddest thing about all this, is that these men, all fighting for the same cause, were all killed for their stance on things, and each, have left a legacy (especially JFK and MLK) that will never be forgotten.

So I ask myself… when was the last time I sat and listen to a speech like this? I couldn’t answer, because I never really have. Not during 9/11 (I didn’t like Bush), not during the Obama elections, and I literally cannot stand any political speak. I don’t understand it, and would rather have it summarized and told to me. That doesn’t say much for this generation of speakers. I am sure Obama is a very wonderful speaker, but FDR, JFK, MLK, General MacArthur, Nixon… the way they talked was the very way we need to speak today.

To my knowledge, I should have been more attentive… but the fact that I would rather listen to every speech by the previous men, than the ones now… should say something.

I was definitely born in the wrong generation.

Sometimes you just gotta rant…

Today was rough. I gave into my habit, (which I gave up 5 years ago) and had something I shouldn’t have. Stupid smokes. Now, before anyone gets into a tizzy, I had a cigar. But nicotine is nicotine nonetheless. Bad me right? Ahh well, another minute or so off my life. But it was well worth it….

Stress seems to have gotten the better of me today. Had to vent (my poor bf, who took it all in stride knowing it wasn’t him that made me this annoyed), and cry (cause I’m a girl), and got some air. Felt better about an hour later… and got a nice hug from the bf. Sometimes, I love this guy – (ok more than sometimes)… I think I will keep him. 🙂

Tomorrow is the last official day of school, but we still have assignments to finish by Saturday (some tomorrow).  A couple exams on the 18th, and then I am done for the semester. Maybe that is the stress? Or its the fact that I keep having to change my classes because I am realizing that I can take some later, but not really. Math is something I hate, but to get up to the level I need for my degree, I need two more, then the college level. Ugh. Maybe that is the stress? Or its the fact that I hate having to drive 2 hours to physical therapy twice a week, regardless of where I live. *sigh* Ok, all of that is the reason.

All I can do, is go to sleep, and pray for a good nights rest.

Sunday… Sunday… Sunday

Most people chill out and relax on a Sunday, watch football, do chores, have lunch/dinner with friends, attend church, shop, etc. Not I. (ok well, maybe chores and a little football GO PACKERS!) I will be doing an assignment that I was originally told was due Tuesday, and is now due Monday night. *sigh* always something. Luckily it is only 4 pages and one source… but since I am getting an A in this class, I don’t want to jeopardize it. Maybe one day I’ll have a throw away assignment that isn’t necessary… Maybe…

As I sit here and sip my coffee, taking a break from doing my homework and chores I think about the people who truly affect my life. Who are they? Where are they? How are they? Unfortunately, there are quite a few in the Heavens right now, but I feel them, and their influence. Sometimes they speak through other people I know, and those people don’t even know it. For instance, my brother sent me this video from Benjamin Button, (which I have never even watched) that came at the most wonderful time for me – while I struggle and feel stressed about school, and life, and everything in-between. It’s about taking that chance, when no one thought you could do it. How the hell did he know? Well, I may have hinted at it somehow, but he didn’t have to send me that… which, by the way, was awesome… but he also told me not to be….

“afraid to reach for what you want, and not to be afraid to take that extra step – and not let anyone tell you that you cannot do something I wanted to do. “

After being told so many times that I am wasting my time as a 38-year-old adult student, and that it was “stupid” to go back to school – I should be working… that kinda hit a tender spot. It was the kick in the arse I needed to get through finals, and continue to next semester.

There is always someone that’s gonna put you down for your beliefs, put you in a place where they will have the upper hand and you have to scrape your knees a few time to pass them, that’s gonna laugh at you for doing something that (in hindsight they would never be able to do) you need to and want to do, and in the end, they are gonna be the ones that said “Ok, you proved me wrong.” No, I didn’t. I proved MYSELF right, you were never anything but a small pebble in my shoe. That is how I have to think. Naysayers, move along.

So now, back to homework, warmed up coffee and a snack.